


(never) see you again

by AuthenticAussie



Series: and we can watch the stars on the water [46]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4013758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthenticAussie/pseuds/AuthenticAussie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sabo had watched the footage from Marineford enough times that he knew that this couldn’t be true; there was no way Ace could possibly be standing behind him.</p><p>He’d watched that footage so many times that every horrendous detail, every flicker of hidden agony on Ace’s face had been branded into his memory.</p><p>How could it possibly be Ace?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sableu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sableu/gifts).



> this is 10k and I don't even know what happened //sighs heavily  
> I am about half-way done w/ my giveaway contest stuff but I've been ehhh lately and I haven't uploaded anything and it's 12am so on a scale of bad choices this is probably one of the best. 
> 
> Divided in two bc ew it's to long for me to justify putting it in one, but idk when the next part will be up?? when next my self-control crumbles, I guess (Saturday?? probably sometime this Saturday tbh)
> 
> I have no idea if that made sense but aNYWAY  
> part of a really (re a l l y) old art trade with the cutie-pie that is Sabolus. vuv enjoy ye tiny fiction lovers
> 
> also if it is not clear in the fic this is a few months before Dressrosa??? yeah

Trees sped past in a haze of orange and mute reds, trunks blurred as he darted in pursuit of his quarry. Autumn leaves crunched beneath his boots and as he rounded another tree he finally caught sight of the man’s back in front of him, scarred with the symbol of the Celestial Dragons.

The runaway had stolen supplies from the Revolutionaries, food they’d obviously scoffed down as soon as it’d been within their grasp, and while Sabo would’ve let the stranger get away with that, they’d also stolen papers with a list of all the Revolutionaries’ supplies. The time it took to catalogue everything again would be much better spent distributing said supplies to their ships and those that needed them, so Sabo had given chase.

Though he knew running after the escaped slave hadn’t been the best plan, it was the only one he’d been able to think of on such short notice and Sabo knew he’d soon catch up with the runner, considering the massive differences in their physique.

The runaway cast a fearful glance over their shoulder, and Sabo saw terror flash across their face. Instead of the last desperate sprint he’d been anticipating, however, they skidded to a stop, throwing their palm out flat and aiming it right for Sabo’s sternum. “Get _lost!_ ” they shouted desperately, and Sabo’s own forward momentum meant he couldn’t slow, though he tried.

His chest erupted with pain as the runaway's palm got driven into it but before sound could even leave his mouth or he could think about retaliating, his eyesight went black and his stomach dropped sickeningly.

He’d barely had time to adjust to the sensation of falling through nothing when suddenly he could see again.

Disorientated, Sabo stumbled and tried to regain his balance, the flashes of bright green confusing him even further. Where _was_ he? The autumn island he’d been on only a few moments ago couldn’t possibly have grown like this in the few seconds when his vision had blacked out. He couldn’t remember falling unconscious, but neither could he remember waking up. Was this some sort of dream?

Maybe the runaway had eaten a devil fruit – but then, what power had they even had? Had they sent him away to another island like Kuma could? He certainly hoped not – trying to find Koala and the others again would be hellish on the Grand Line.

Mind preoccupied by questions, Sabo was about to turn his head to see if he could spot anything familiar when he heard a branch crack. Immediately, he strained his ears and prepared himself for some sort of fight, hands snapping up in front of him and body instinctively falling to a defensive position.

“Who the hell are you?” came the demand from behind him, angry and surprised and achingly familiar, and Sabo felt his heart fall through his chest, creating a hollow spot where it used to rest. His mouth dropped open, the voice practically ringing in his ears, and he didn’t begrudge his own voice from shaking as he asked,

“ _Ace_?” 

“Who are you?” the person who sounded like Ace growled lowly, and Sabo could feel the glare burn holes in his back, even as an icy flush raced through him from head to toe. “Turn around and face me if you don’t want a fight!”

 _No!_ screamed part of him, the part that’d latched onto Ace’s voice and was repeating like a mantra _he’s alive he’s alive he’s alive, (or you’re dead but either way you can see him again)._

There was fear in another part of his thoughts; _what if he recognises you and gets even angrier? What if he gets mad at you for abandoning him on Foosha with Garp, to take care of Luffy on his own?_

Then there was the other part of his mind trying to appeal to his common sense, the scientific side of his brain that analysed and researched and tore away any option that couldn’t be true–

And Sabo had watched the footage from Marineford enough times that he knew that this couldn’t be true; there was no way Ace could possibly be standing behind him.

He had watched that footage so many times that every horrendous detail, every flicker of hidden agony on Ace’s face had been branded into his memory, like a sign shouting, ‘you should have been there, you should have been able to help, you should have _known._ ’ 

_How could it possibly be Ace?_

He couldn’t turn around; he couldn’t! He didn’t want to see if the freckles on Ace’s face were still sprinkled under his eyes, if he still glared the same way when he was upset; like he was trying to challenge an army, desperate and angry and always ready to go down fighting instead of wrapping his mind around a concept he didn’t want to be true.

Ace took the choice away from him.

His hand grasped Sabo's shoulder, viciously pulling him around and closer to him, and Sabo caught sight of the fist flying towards his face. His eyes closed on instinct, the spare second when he'd been grabbed unsuspectingly having been not nearly enough time to get out of the way ( _and there was a part of him that didn't want to, wanted to feel something break under Ace's hand for Sabo's betrayal, for not coming to the rescue, for the anger he thought his brother was warranted._ )

The knuckles of Ace's hand tapped his cheek, barely clipping his jaw as Ace pulled the punch and Sabo frowned, opening his eyes and staring into Ace's confused gaze. Ace's arm was shaking, centimetres from Sabo's face, and Sabo could see the flecks of gold in Ace's eyes, the tiny snapping sparks that burned in him.

He couldn’t help but search Ace’s eyes for any indication that he recognised Sabo, and so he saw how they widened, how Ace’s mouth parted as though he wanted to say something, how his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

Ace's eyes turned glassy and he saw Ace lock his lips together, brow furrowing and face twitching as though he had no idea what emotion he was meant to express. He felt Ace’s shaky exhale on his lips, almost no space between them, and could feel Ace’s body heat rise and rise until he was sure that one of them would be set alight.

Then Ace’s eyes hardened, fury burning in him as he locked his gaze on Sabo, and his fist rose again threateningly, his other hand tightening into a choke hold around Sabo’s collar.

"Who the  _fuck_  are you?" Ace spat, and Sabo could hear the unadulterated rage in those words, a purely vicious bite that hid the broken shake to Ace's voice. Sabo bit the inside of his mouth so hard the skin tore and began to bleed. The taste of copper filled his mouth, and he found he couldn't speak; couldn't even think about what he was meant to say. "Who  _are_  you!" Ace yelled, jolting forwards and practically screaming into Sabo's face now. Ace's fist trembled, sparks flicking from his hand, chest heaving and breath to fast, and Sabo wanted to reach out and–

and just–

calm him down, and _touch._

_(feel warm skin under his hands, the beat of Ace’s heart, trace his cheeks and his neck and run his hands along Ace’s shoulders so he could feel every breath. He’d even settle for the pain when Ace hit him for it, just so he could assure himself that this wasn’t a dream – or a nightmare._

_He’d had more than enough of those that’d gone like this, that’d left him curled into as small of a ball as he could make himself, nails clenched against the skin of his thighs as he tried to make himself even smaller._

_Like if his body wasn’t big than the pain wouldn’t be either.)_

He could feel his stomach roll, the sight of the dead man in front of him making every nerve practically scream ‘ _this is wrong!’_ but Sabo couldn’t listen to that.

He didn’t want to, not with the knowledge that Ace was _right there._

Even if it was some illusion, some trick thought up by his opponent's devil fruit, Sabo found he didn't want to know about it. His voice finally managed to work, but he still couldn't decide on what to say, and his brother's name fell weakly from his lips again. "Ace–?"

“Stop  _saying_ that! Stop  _saying that!_ ” Ace cried, spitting the words out, and he held his fist higher, threateningly; but the quavers in his arm grew even more pronounced. _“_ Stop saying that in his– stop saying my name in his voice!”

“My voice,” he said, brain no longer functioning, taking every moment and treating it like it was part of a delusion. He was allowed to talk back to dreams, to phantom people who should have been dead. “And– it’s– it’s your name. What else am I meant to call you, Ace?”

Ace’s breath hitched, but only the barest hint of hesitation flashed across his face as he drew back his fist and socked Sabo in the jaw. The pain that flared along his mouth and through his head as he was sent sprawling made him feel dizzy for a moment, but with that pain came the horrifying realisation that this really wasn’t a dream.

And, if it was a hallucination formed by the runaway’s devil fruit, than it was a damned good one.

 Ace was standing in front of him, fists balled at his sides, and Sabo could see the flickers of fire along Ace’s shoulders. “Who the hell are you?” Ace demanded again, voice a biting growl, and Sabo hesitantly moved from where he’d been sent, slowly sitting up.

“I’m– I’m _Sabo_ ,” he said, and though he knew it sounded like he was begging he couldn’t help but let the desperation he felt enter his voice. “It’s _me,_ Ace.” 

“No–” Ace said with a sharp shake of his head, the whites of his eyes showing. “No. No, you’re _not_ Sabo. You’re _not!_ He _died!_ ” Ace whipped his head around, taking his eyes off Sabo for the first time since he’d appeared. He directed his next words to the forest surrounding them, stalking around the grove like a caged beast, “If this is a joke it’s not funny! If you’re going to fight me get out here and do it yourself! Don’t send lousy _illusions_ to do the job for you!”

“I’m not an _illusion_ ,” Sabo spat, unable to deny how much those words had hurt him, and he pulled himself to his feet, forcing his limbs to listen to him. “It’s _me!_ ” he cried, pressing one hand against his chest as though to prove he was still corporeal. “You can ask me any question you want and I’ll know the answer!”

“Yeah?” Ace demanded, and this time anger seeped into his tone as he whirled around to glare. “Then _where were you_?” Ace’s voice rose in pitch, volume growing along with it, and every word felt like a barb to Sabo. “Why did you _leave us?”_ then, suddenly, the burning fury seemed to flow out of him, and quiet hurt filled Ace’s voice _._ “Why didn’t you ever come back?”

“I couldn’t stay there,” Sabo said, feeling his eyes sting with unshed tears at the harsh words, “There wasn’t anything there for me. My family _hated_ me!”

“What about _Luffy?_ ” Ace shot back. “What about _me?_ Didn’t you say _we_ were your family?”

“What was I _supposed_ to do?” Sabo asked him bitterly, instead of trying to answer the painful questions that Ace had given him. “Did you want me to die there?”

“No, but I want to know why you never told us you were alive!”

“I was _scared!_ ” Sabo shouted, the words ripped from him unwillingly, “I didn’t– I was–” _Breathe,_ he reminded himself, but his voice was still quiet and shaky as he admitted, “I didn’t want you to hate me for having left. Or– or that you–”

“You’re my _brother_ ,” Ace growled, “I would have been happy knowing you were alive.”

“You _punched_ me,” Sabo pointed out, and Ace shifted on his feet.

“Thought you were an illusion,” he mumbled in his defence, but when Ace’s eyes fastened on Sabo again he could see the guarded suspicion that still hung there. “Still think you might be.”

Sabo’s fingers dug into his leg, trying not to show how much those words had hurt him, and he half–mumbled, “Yeah well you haven’t exactly given me anything to let me prove myself, you know.”

“Well I dunno what I’m meant to ask!” Ace said, almost helplessly, and Sabo had to fight back a grin at the bare hint of a pout he could see on Ace’s lips.

“Well it’s not like I can give you suggestions,” Sabo said, and he saw Ace pause, jaw clenched and eyes blinking to clear away the film that made his eyes glisten.  

“It really is you, isn’t it?” Ace asked, voice shaking minutely. He took a hesitant step closer, hand raising from his side and hovering just in front of Sabo. “How are you even _alive?_ ” Ace asked, tone almost reverent, and Sabo wanted to grab him and ask _how are **you?**_ Unable to figure out a way to answer, Sabo gave a small, jerky nod, letting Ace’s fingers gently press to his jaw, moving Sabo's head to see the place where he'd been punched. “Sorry,” Ace apologised, wincing at the red mark.

“My fault,” Sabo murmured, unable to believe that the fingers on his cheek weren’t cold – that he could feel the heat from Ace’s hand on his skin.

Ace stepped away, hand dropping back to his side, and Sabo almost instantly felt the loss, especially when Ace spoke again. “Where were you? What have you even been _doing?_ ”

"I–" he said, thinking of being trained by Dragon and Ivankov, thinking of forming his (at first, tumultuous) friendship with Koala, thinking about everything that'd happened to him since the scars on his cheek had left him half–blind but  _free_. "A lot," he grinned ruefully, shifting on his feet and tugging at his coat, "It's a really long story, Ace."

Ace’s tentative grin made the tight feeling that’d been fastened around his heart since he’d been punched finally loosen. “I’ve got some time to spare.”

“Tell you mine if you tell me yours,” he replied, and Ace’s grin widened even more as he slung his arm over Sabo’s shoulder like they hadn’t been apart for so many years.

* * *

“Wow,” Ace said a few hours later, leaning back on his hands and looking up at the tree they’d chosen to rest under as they traded stories. Though Sabo hadn’t told him everything (such as the niggling, stomach–knotting suspicion that rested heavy in his gut about what had happened after the Devil Fruit user had punched him,) he’d still told Ace about most of his adventures, and what had happened to him after he'd left the Grey Terminal. Ace was silent for a moment, absorbing everything that Sabo had told him, but then leaned forwards and fastened his amazed gaze on Sabo again. “You run the _Revolutionaries?_ ”

“I don’t _run them,_ ” Sabo said, shaking his head at Ace’s assumption, “Dragon-san is our leader. I just help.”

“Oh yeah, second–in–command ‘just helps’.” Ace laughed as he finger–quoted Sabo’s words. “Like Marco ‘just helps’ Whitebeard, huh?”

Sabo stuck out his tongue, unable to form a response, and Ace just laughed harder. “Well I can’t believe you joined up with a crew!” Sabo cried, shoving him in the shoulder. “Do you know how surprised I was when I read that in the news?” 

Ace shrugged, his laughter finally dying, but his smile stayed, and Sabo felt happiness coil in his belly. He hadn’t seen Ace’s smile for so long – bounty posters didn’t count, because he knew the difference between a cocky smirk and Ace’s honest–to–goodness smile, and this one Sabo had only ever seen a few times when they were younger. “He’s a good man, Whitebeard. And joining up with his crew felt right.”

Sabo hummed softly, letting his shoulder press even closer to Ace’s warmth and relishing the fact that his brother didn’t pull away, only shifted to make him more comfortable. “Well I’m glad,” he admitted quietly, and to that Ace didn’t seem to have anything else to say.

A comfortable silence fell between the two of them, most of their stories having been told, and Sabo listened to the rustle of the leaves above them, letting them lull him to drowsiness. Though worries tried to press into his head, the simple knowledge that Ace sat next to him was enough to keep them at bay for now. He knew he’d have to deal with them all later, especially if what he suspected happened had actually happened, but for the moment he let himself drift.

Ace’s quiet, wistful voice broke through his lazy half–sleep, making Sabo’s eyes open to prevent him from drifting off as his brother talked, but the words made him wish he really had fallen asleep. “I wish you’d told me you were alive earlier.”

Sabo bit his cheek again, the barely healed bite he'd made earlier splitting again, and the reminder made him loosen his teeth and his tongue. He owed Ace more than just his apology, but an apology was all he could give.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, studying the weave of his coat and how his fingertips rested against the blue fabric to avoid looking at Ace, because half of this was a lie and half of it was longing and he didn't want either to show on his face. "I know that– I mean, I should have–" The fabric bunched beneath his hands, and he took a deep breath, ordering his fingers to loosen their grip. "I thought about it," he admitted finally, words drawing out slow and flat, "but I– I was always scared. And then when Iva told me what Luffy had said, that he only had one brother in the world, I–"

“What?” Ace asked, brow furrowed in confusion, “Why would Luffy say that? Haven’t you met up with him?” Sabo rubbed at the back of his suddenly hot neck, pursing his lips, and Ace’s tone dropped. Sabo just  _knew_ he was giving him a suspicious, disapproving look, the kind he always saw on Ace’s face whenever Luffy did something stupid.“You  _have_ told him you’re alive,  _right?_ ”

“Uh–” he said in response, stalling, and Ace jolted from his shoulder.

“Are you kidding me, Sabo? He cried for ages after you left with your parents, and he cried even more when we thought you’d died, and now you’re telling me you didn’t _tell him?_ ”

“Well I wasn’t ever planning on telling you _either!_ ” he shouted, and before the words could stop he’d lashed out, helpless fury making him fasten a glare on his stunned brother. “And it wouldn’t matter anyway because _you–!”_

Ace’s open–eyed, shocked expression made him stop, words a chokehold in his throat, and there was a moment of tense silence as the crushing realisation of what he’d almost said hit him. His mouth opened again as he tried to say something else, but he couldn’t do anything except remain silent; could only watch as Ace stood slowly from the tree root and stopped, still for a moment. His eyes were shadowed as he held his hat lower on his head, and for a shattering second Sabo feared that his _stupid,_ careless words had ruined the tentative trust that’d reformed between them.

“If you _ever_ think about doing that again…” Ace growled, the brim of his hat twisting in his tight grip, but he didn’t continue, instead lifting his gaze to lock Sabo in place. “Promise me,” he said, in a tone that said there was no argument, “that you’ll tell Luffy next, before you go back to your Revolutionaries. Tell him that you’re alive.”

“Ace–” Sabo tried to protest, because how could he? How could he face Luffy, when he was the only one who hadn’t come to Ace’s aid almost a year and a half ago? How could he, when he’d hidden away from the two of them like a coward for so many years? Even if he wanted to, even if Ace said that he should, was there any guarantee that Luffy would even want him back and would ever want to call him brother again?

Ace’s expression told him all he needed to know - that he’d had caught the hesitance and fear that flashed across his face, the barely stifled longing Sabo had tried to quash for years. “Promise me!” he shouted, teeth bared and sparks on his shoulders, “Promise me as soon as you have the chance, you’ll tell him!”

“ _Ace_ –” he tried to say again, this time standing too and ready to argue why he shouldn’t, but Ace cut him off again, this time an unstated agony underlying his words.

“Sabo- we thought you were _dead_.” He could see Ace’s jaw clench, his nails digging into the ASCE tattoo that neither of them had bought up, “We _mourned_ you.”

Sabo’s body shook, shivers racking him that he tried to fight back, and he let his own hat shadow his features, unable to look at the heartbroken expression that was all over Ace’s.

“I–” he tried to say, the word choking him again, but he spat it out because he _had to._ He had to let Ace know, that he wouldn’t fail Luffy as he’d failed Ace. “I promise. When I can, I’ll find him again. And–” he could feel the tremors return, the ones he’d had for weeks after Marineford, the sting behind his eyes informing him of the tears that likely brimmed on his eyelashes, ready to fall. “And if you can’t protect him–” the words, again, felt stuck to the inside of his throat, but he continued. “I promise I’ll be there. My duty as the eldest brother, huh?”

“ _Eh?_ ” Ace said, openly staring at him, and with a breath Sabo forced down and bottled up every image that flashed before his eyes, of Ace bound in chains, desperate and broken and hopelessly hoping for a rescue he couldn’t let himself believe would come. “You’re not the eldest! I am!”

“Nu–uh,” Sabo said, fastening a grin on his features to hide the shakes he knew would make everything crumble apart, “You said ‘cause you were taller you were the eldest. But now _I’m_ taller.”

“You’re wearing _heels_!” Ace protested, indicating towards his boots, and Sabo gave a languid shrug, self–satisfied smirk on his face. “You’re a cheat, Sabo!”

“I’m still taller than you without them,” he sing–songed, and Ace huffed, glaring, before he let his smile return – just a little more painful, a little more jagged then before.

“Well, you said you were stuck here, right?” he asked, taking a step in the direction they’d originally met and glossing over their argument, “Do you want a lift anywhere?”

“How’re you gonna _get_ me anywhere?” he asked suspiciously, but still dutifully followed after Ace as he began to lead them back to the shore, “Don’t you ride around in a teeny tiny slip of a boat?”

“Hey, Striker’s got me plenty of places just fine! She’s a good craft.”

“Good craft meant for _one,_ ” he shot back, and Ace pouted petulantly again, obviously offended on his ship’s behalf.

“You could always hold on to me if you want,” Ace said, giving him a grin, and Sabo rested his head in his hands, narrowly avoiding a tree.

“Isn’t this thing of yours powered by fire?” he asked dryly, and Ace gave a slow nod, “And you set _yourself_ on fire to power this thing?”

He could see the moment realisation dawned on his brother’s features, and had to stifle a laugh. “Oh.” Ace said, shortly, and Sabo couldn’t help the light snort of amusement that managed to escape him. “Well you can always grab the front, then! Stop being such a stick–in–the–mud you loser.”

“Only loser here has freckles.”

Ace narrowed his eyes for a moment, turning his head to scrutinise Sabo closely, but Sabo knew that there wasn’t a freckle to be seen on his skin. He’d spent too long locked away in his office after Marineford, and lately all he’d had were stealth missions – missions where he operated under cover of darkness. Without sun, his skin was as pale as it’d been when he was a child, before he’d ever met Luffy and Ace.   

“You’re still a loser,” Ace huffed, obviously having lost his search for any of Sabo’s non–existent freckles, and Sabo laughed at the childish twist in his brother’s tone. Ace had always tried to act so grown–up when they were children and yet here he was now, pouting and sulking!

If nothing else, Sabo would thank the Whitebeard pirates for that. For letting Ace act childish, for letting him stop _worrying_ for a moment. Though he’d known his brother’s dream was to be king, and surpass the legacy his father had left behind, he also knew that dreams changed. Though not king of the pirates, Ace was more relaxed than he ever remembered seeing him. 

It was nice, being able to see who his brother had turned into without having to wade through the newspaper’s lies, or trying to decipher grins in photographs designed to make him look fearsome. It was nice, being able see all that’d changed, and all that’d stayed the same.

(He ignored the back of his mind, the part that whispered _, you live on borrowed time, time that was never meant to be yours, and you already left part of your heart behind with the flowers by Ace’s–_

He stopped himself there, for continuing meant he’d admitted to being unable to change a thing.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have just discovered I will likely be busy this weekend, which kind of sucks, but I'd suspected I would be anyway.  
> So you guys get part 2 early! : 3

Though he didn’t end up riding on the front of Ace’s tiny ship, instead convincing Ace to let him tie a small boat next to Striker, they made good time to the next island; a winter one by the name of Quartztone. The locals seemed to take it in good stride that it rained beautiful pink flowers instead of snow every time new people came to stay, but after they docked Ace had spent a good five minutes staring suspiciously at them, trying to figure out where on earth they could have come from. Sabo had laughed and tugged Ace through town, inquiring after a place to stay until Ace’s log pose set and they could move onto the next island.

Glad for the warm insulation of the room they stayed in, Sabo shed his coat and stretched out his stiff neck, thankful that the punch to his sternum earlier had left him with no ill effects bar a sudden loss of breath. “Do you want left or right?” he asked Ace, who’d traipsed in after him.

Ace snorted, crouching by the closest of the single beds and starting to shove it closer to the window. “We’re sharing, you idiot. I barely want to let you out of my sight, you think I’m letting you slip out in the middle of the night?”  

Though he wanted to protest that, Sabo knew that if offered the chance to get back to the Revolutionary Army, he’d probably take it. Every moment he spent in Ace’s company made his heart lift in joy, but the sour, hollow realisation that this was likely going to end soon tainted every feeling, and it left an ache in his chest he couldn’t fight.

“You’re so suspicious,” he tried to tease instead, but Ace’s flat look told him all he needed to know. His brother could see right through him, just like he could when they were children. Bracing his feet against the floorboard, he added his strength to Ace’s, and in a moment, both beds were next to each other, making a double that was patterned with the shadow of the flowers falling outside. “Wanna spar?” he asked as they both stood, and for the first time since they’d come to land, Ace gave him a bright grin and punched him in the shoulder.

“Finally!” he cried, tugging his hat off and dropping it on the bed. “Man, I thought you’d never ask!”

Sabo laughed at that, stifling it under his hand, and followed after Ace as he practically bounded out the door. “No powers though, otherwise I’m allowed to use Haki to kick your arse.”

“You have haki? Which ones?” Ace asked, fastening him with an amazed gaze that had Sabo sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, cheeks flushed in pleasure.

“Armament, mainly. Dragon-san taught me, so I could stand up against Logia users, but I know observational too.”

“Nice,” Ace said, holding his closed fist out, and Sabo obligingly tapped it as the two of them found their way onto the street and began to head out of town to find someplace to fight. “Whitebeard was trying to teach me Conqueror’s, but that was before-” Ace stopped in the middle of his sentence, his fingers twitching, but Sabo kept his gaze ahead and Ace continued as though nothing was wrong. “I’m not very good at it.”

“At least you have it!” Sabo said, half-shoving him with his shoulder to distract Ace from whatever thoughts had invaded his head, “You can’t train and get Conqueror’s haki like you can with Armament and Observational.”

“Sucks to be you then,” Ace replied teasingly, shoving him back, and Sabo felt a grin pull up his features as they passed the last of the houses and found themselves surrounded on all sides by snow and the occasional falling flower.  

“Least I’ve never been taken out by a sucker punch,” Sabo taunted, and Ace’s cheeks flared, tiny sparks jumping by his ears.

“That was one time!” he defended, shaking away the fire and holding his fists out in front of him in a classical fighting pose, “And it was Luffy’s fault to begin with, so there!”

“Sorry, I think my _little_ brother is making up lies~!” Sabo replied, forming his Dragon Claw and resting his weight lower on his back foot than Ace’s light footed stance.  

Ace decided to attack first instead of coming up with an answer, and started out simply, aiming a straight punch that Sabo easily brushed off, blocking with his forearm and sliding it to his other side as he stepped and aimed his punch for Ace’s stomach.

Ace twisted with his blocked fist, moving out of the way of Sabo’s punch and letting distance come between them again. “Looks like you got faster, huh?”

“To be fair, so did you.” Sabo replied, and took the initiative this time. His hand shot forwards, grabbing Ace’s wrist before he could react and get out of the way, and he pulled, planning on flipping Ace over. If that failed, at the very least Sabo would unbalance him. Ace had other plans however, going with Sabo’s movement and lashing out with his leg.

Having to switch his grip so he could block Ace’s kick, his brother was able to balance on his hand, pushing off Sabo’s crossed arms so he could jump to a standing position again. He lunged forwards, aiming for a left hook Sabo only narrowly avoided by jumping backwards.

Words forgone so that they could concentrate on their fight, both brothers attacked with abandon, Ace favouring offence and lashing out quickly with both punches and kicks, and Sabo letting himself weave and wait for opportune moments to strike out with his own punches.

Physically, he supposed in the back of his mind, he might be stronger than Ace was. Granted, he had a year and a half of training that Ace didn’t have, and Ace’s own strength was no joke, but Ace relied more heavily on his devil fruit than his own abilities. While his stamina and speed easily matched and probably surpassed Sabo’s own, the weakness of not being able to use his fire was glaring in his fighting style.

Finally, chests heaving, the both of them faced each other in a stand-off. Sweat started to freeze on Sabo’s arms, and the cold air burnt the inside of his mouth and throat, frosting in tiny clouds in front of him as they regarded each other, waiting to see if the other would launch another attack.

“Did pretty okay for someone who skipped training for ten years,” Ace finally said, and they both relaxed, falling from their fighting positions.

“Could say the same for you,” Sabo teased back as he brushed snow off of his shoulders and shook out his arms, fingers beginning to tingle from the cold. “You didn’t fight me for so long, and I bet you slacked off when you only had Luffy to spar with.” Melted snow began to collect around Ace, and with a grin Sabo moved closer, intent on stealing some of his heat. Ace wrinkled his nose and sneered in Sabo’s direction, but Sabo didn’t give that a reply, instead sighing happily as Ace’s body temperature raised the temperature from chilly to cool. “What’s the island after this?” he asked idly, enjoying the heat that laced through his skin.

“Uh…,” Ace finished stretching, easing out the stiffness in his arm before slipping back on his orange elbow brace, “Think it’s called Banaro? The route Teach took would only lead him there, but this way’s faster ‘cause you skip two islands. Gotta leave when the pose sets though, ‘cause otherwise you end up in some place called Jasmaline.”

Sabo’s heart had stopped as soon as Ace had said the name, and he barely heard anything Ace said after that, staring at his brother in horror. “You can’t go,” he said, barely stopping to think about the consequences of his order.

“What?” Ace asked, a confused frown on his face, “Why?”

Common sense held his tongue, his intellect warring with his emotions, and though he begged himself to tell Ace all that’d happen if he left for Banaro, fear tied Sabo’s throat into a knot. What would Ace say, if Sabo confessed to knowing all that would happen? Would he go back to thinking Sabo was a hallucination again, or – even worse – would Ace just not believe him?

What would even happen, anyway, if Sabo told Ace of the battle of Marineford, of his murder, Whitebeard’s death and Luffy’s life-threatening injury? If Ace had never gotten caught, what would have happened? What would have changed in the future Sabo went back to?

And-

And what if it would happen anyway?

What if, even with Sabo’s warning, even with his help in Blackbeard and Ace’s fight…

What if Ace ended up dead anyway?

“You-” he tried to say again, but clenched his jaw and placed a lock over his heart, finishing weakly, “you can’t go without trying some of Quarztone’s flower soup. Apparently it’s worth killing over.”

Ace regarded him suspiciously, seeing through his strained smile with the ease of a familiarity that hadn’t faded, but let Sabo keep his painful secret, instead giving a nod. “Why not? You’re paying though! You have to pay back for missing out on our eat-and-runs.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works you’know,” he said, rolling his eyes at Ace, “but fine.” He fell into Ace’s wake, half-a-step behind him as they headed into town.

Half-a-step behind, so he could keep the image of Ace looking back at him and grinning burnt into his memory.

* * *

Shadows made valleys from the dips in the blanket thrown over the both of them, blue darkness devouring both the colour of the bedspread and the ages-old burn scars that spanned his forearm and crept along his sides.

Ace had remarked on them, earlier.

As he’d shed his shirt, intent on showering and getting rid of the sweat that stuck to his skin, a feather-light touch had grazed his spine, and he’d jolted, unused to sensation on the waxy scars. Immediately, Ace’s hand had retracted, and Sabo turned around to see it hovering between them, hesitant.

“You have so many,” Ace whispered, his eyes caught on the red blotches that made up the marring on Sabo’s otherwise perfect skin and hand still poised as though he wanted to touch another of them again. Ace’s eyes traced over the scars, from the ones that disappeared down his leg and up to the ones on his neck – but Ace’s eyes stopped before he reached the one on Sabo’s face, unable to look him in the eye.

Swallowing, trying to resist the urge to pull on his shirt again or cross his arms in a vain attempt to hide them, Sabo shifted awkwardly on his feet. “They don’t hurt anymore. Just- never stopped being sensitive.” Seeing Ace’s hand still stuck between them, he internally steadied himself and reached out to grab Ace’s wrist. “You can touch them, if you want. You just surprised me before.”

Ace looked surprised for a moment, finally looking him in the eye, and for a moment he seemed about to reach out again, curiosity outweighing concern. Then, he grinned, tugging his hand out of Sabo’s grip and stealing Sabo’s shirt, throwing it over the chair where they’d dumped all their stuff. “Nah,” he said, before giving a shrug. “The scars don’t make the man. Only make him look cooler, huh?”

Sabo’s eyes opened fractionally wider for a moment, still surprised that Ace’s perceptiveness had grown while he’d not been around, but then he felt a grin pull up his cheeks and he shoved Ace. “You’re such a loser,” he said, trying to hold off from laughing. “Where’d you get that from? A motivational poster?”

“There’s lots of them in Marco’s office!” Ace defended, laughing even as he stumbled away, “My favourite is the ‘hang in there’ cat one. Marco keeps ripping it up every time he sees it!”  

Covering his mouth with his hands to prevent himself from laughing, Sabo heard breathy chuckles escape him. “Why would you give a guy who transforms into a bird a _cat_ poster?”

“ _Because_ he transforms into a bird!” Ace said, collapsing onto the ground and throwing his head back in full-throated laughs, and Sabo finally relinquished victory to his laughter, knees folding under him as he joined Ace on the floor.

“That’s-” he heaved, breathless, “so- _stupid!_ ”

“I never claimed to be _smart,_ ” Ace replied, as though the notion insulted him, and his tone sent Sabo off into another fit of laughter, clapping his hands over his mouth to try and stop them escaping.  

Their laughter had only eventually died when the both of them had managed to keep calm; even looking at the other’s red face sent them off into another fit of giggles, and the cycle repeated until Sabo’s stomach was aching and his cheeks were sore. Finally, chest heaving, Sabo managed to pull himself to his feet, staggering over to the bathroom to finally have his shower.

When he’d gotten out, Ace was still lying on the floor, but as Sabo padded over to him to see why he was so intently staring at the ceiling, he let out a loud snore that almost set Sabo laughing again. He held the chuckles in check, instead grinning and nudging Ace with his foot. “Oi, if you wanna sleep do it on the bed.”

Ace mumbled something, flapping out with one loose-limbed hand, and Sabo rolled his eyes, bending down and poking Ace harshly in the side. He let out a yelp, startled with the sudden awakening, and fire flared along his ribs and his forearm. Upon seeing that it was only Sabo, however, Ace’s startled expression turned into a flat glare, and his fire died. “What’d you do that for?” he whined, and Sabo stood, taking the glass of water he’d filled to the bedside table and setting it down.

“If you’re gonna sleep, do it in the bed,” he repeated, running his hand through his hair to shake out the last persistent water droplets and to make sure his hair didn’t knot too badly while he slept.

Ace poked his tongue out sulkily, screwing up his face again, but Sabo only pulled a face of his own to return it. Heaving himself from the floor, Ace yawned and stretched, before then flopping onto the other side of the bed, squirming up till he could get under the blankets. Rolling his eyes, but unable to stop the smile that pulled up his lips, Sabo curled up under the blankets on his side too, finding Ace’s body heat warmed the space between them easily.

One of the benefits to being a logia user, he supposed, as Ace turned off the lights. Ace, obviously tired from the day’s events, was asleep and snoring again within minutes – but even as he closed his eyes and tried to convince himself to sleep, Sabo’s mind buzzed, full of thoughts he couldn’t get to quieten.     

_(Are you meant to be here? What if your spar with him today made him pull a muscle, and when he fights Blackbeard he’s too sore to move out of the way? What if he’s too tired to form a proper attack when he needs to? Shouldn’t you warn him that fighting Blackbeard with his logia won’t do much good?)_

The moonlight fell upon the wall at the start of night, but made a path from the wall to the bed with every hour Sabo stayed awake.

( _You promised to see Luffy, but how could you face him without trying to save Ace? How will you ever be able to call him brother, and promise to protect him, when you didn’t even cometo help Ace?_ )

Sabo sleepily tracked the moonlight with his eyes, trying to memorise the knots on the wall instead of the doubts and fears that filled his head, but eventually discomfort twisted his arm and he turned over, resettling himself and free from his thoughts for a second.   

Letting his eyes track the curve of the blankets as they swooped over Ace’s spine, Sabo sighed, shoulders shifting, and knew that tonight, at least, he’d likely not get to sleep. At least on his ship there was paperwork to busy himself with until he felt reasonably tired, but here he had nothing.

Maybe he’d be able to find things to do downstairs? Surely it couldn’t be that late, and there’d be someone awake. Maybe there’d be a book they could lend him. Turning over again, Sabo began to carefully sit up, moving the blankets slowly so as not to disturb Ace – but as a hand fastened around his wrist, he knew it was too late. Wincing, he turned to see Ace’s eyes glinting in the darkness, body only half-turned so he could latch onto Sabo’s wrist.

“Where are you going?” he asked, and Sabo bit his lip.

“I-” he said, floundering for an excuse that didn’t sound stupid, and Ace turned over, tugging persistently till Sabo lay down again. Slinging his arm over Sabo’s shoulder, Ace pulled them closer to each other, lacing his warm feet with Sabo’s own chilly toes.  

“Sleep,” ordered Ace grumpily, the weight of his arm pulling Sabo back under the cacoon formed by their blankets, “whatever you want to worry about can wait until the morning.”

Blinking at their sudden proximity, but for the first time since that morning finally feeling _safe,_ Sabo felt the knot of his anxiety loosen slightly. As his body warmed he felt his mind begin to drift, content in the knowledge that Ace was here with him.

If only for now.

* * *

They stayed at Quarztone for a week – sparring, exploring, tossing old and new jokes between the two of them like they’d never been separated. Though Sabo hadn’t had any problems sleeping since that first night, they’d still taken to sleeping tangled in each other’s limbs, and Sabo had woken to Ace’s drool on his arm more than once. It’d made him shove Ace off him with a grumble, but Ace had only laughed and proceeded to try and smear it on his chest.

Ace’s infectious grin and his laughter and his vibrant _life_ made a sickening sort of happiness curl in Sabo’s stomach, the kind that swore he should feel guilty for taking such time to enjoy himself when there was work to be done.

Though, in this case, it was more trying to figure out a way he’d be able to let destiny take her course without Ace ending up-

Dead.

 Because if Sabo couldn’t do anything, than that was what Ace was going to end up as – he was going to be _dead_ because Sabo couldn’t figure out a way to get around the stupid path of fate.

By the week’s end they’d explored the majority of the island, Ace had restocked for his trip to Banaro, and the log pose had finally set – and Sabo still hadn’t come up with a plan.

They’d hitched up Sabo’s little boat to Striker again, and the journey to Banaro had come too fast. It wasn’t until the green span of shore was visible on the horizon did Sabo finally figure out a desperate plan.

He’d take Ace back with him to the Revolutionaries. He’d hide in the background of the fight, though Ace’s injuries would make him want to lash out and take Teach’s head for his own trophy cabinet before he ruined everyone else’s lives, and he’d whisk Ace away before the execution was over. He could easily infiltrate the marines. He’d done it before, snuck in while their security was lax-

He could do it, he’d be able to get away with such a reckless plan, as long as he just kept fighting for it. As long as he kept fighting to keep Ace safe, he’d be fine.

(He couldn’t bring himself to believe anything else.)

And then they’d docked, and Ace had seen the column of darkness. He’d almost tripped in his rush to get out of Striker, and it was only Sabo latching onto his arm that kept him back from sprinting to Blackbeard.

Ace’s head snapped back to stare at him, brow furrowed, but words deserted Sabo. All he could think to say was a caution. “Please-” he begged, feeling his breathing quicken. “You have to keep safe. Be careful.”

A cocky grin was his only answer, and Sabo tried to muster the energy to put on a façade of irritated older brother, but found himself unable to, worry probably clear in his expression.

“I don’t have to be,” Ace said confidently, shrugging one shoulder nonchalantly, “I could beat Teach with one eye closed.”

About to snap back that he shouldn’t do something so stupid, Sabo suddenly felt an arm on his bicep, gripping tightly and trying to tug him back. Ace’s mouth dropped open, and he took half a step back, obviously surprised at whoever it was, and Sabo tried to turn his head, only making out a pink-

Glove?

Koala’s glove?

His eyes opened wide in realisation, and he tried to reach for Ace’s arm, but his fingers only scrabbled against Ace’s knuckles, and Ace’s hands stayed by his side, not reaching out.

“ _Ace!_ ” he screamed desperately, trying to stretch just that _little bit_ further so he could grab Ace’s hand and take Ace with him. Pain flared on Ace’s features – but his hands were still, and he only offered Sabo another grin.

Sabo felt something in his chest clench as Ace turned, the grin on his back now all Sabo could see, and Ace gave him a two-fingered salute, confidence in his walk as he headed down the path to his eventual execution.

“You better come find me!” he called, but Sabo caught the waver in his voice and tried to lunge forwards again, wanting to grab onto Ace before he was gone. “See you later, Sabo!”

 _No!_ he wanted to say, wanted to pull himself away from the arms that’d grabbed onto his coat and were tugging him back despite his every protest and struggle.

The Revolutionary ship came into his view, the familiar mast and sails soaring above him, and Sabo felt his knees hit the deck, sending a jolt through him that he didn’t feel. “Ace-” he whispered, still staring at where he’d last seen his brother, and then Koala’s worried face came in front of him.

“Are you alright, Sabo?” she asked, resting her hands on his shoulders, and she moved his unresisting body to the side to check he didn’t have any injuries. “Sabo!” she said, shaking his shoulders when he didn’t answer, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

The only thing in his head was the knowledge that Ace had known he was alive when he’d gone to face Blackbeard.

Ace had known he was alive, and that Sabo had never came to save him. He’d died knowing that Sabo had never shown up, but that he _could_ have.

He’d died with the knowledge that Sabo hadn’t cared enough to come and try and rescue him.

Wrenching himself out of Koala’s grip, he rushed to the side of their ship and dry heaved, stomach wanting to get rid of every piece of food inside him but training forbidding him.

“Get the doctor!” he heard Hack order behind him, and then there was feet pounding against the wood, two sets towards him and the rest to the infirmary.  

Koala’s hand rested against his forehead, checking for a fever, and Hack’s cooler webbed one was placed on the back of his neck, to try and give him something to focus on. “Sabo?” Koala asked again, this time undeniable worry in her voice, and Sabo forced himself to suppress every memory of Ace’s smile, every second of the time he’d spent with Ace.

“Fine-” he said, voice shaking, but as he pushed himself away from the railing he made his breathing even and fastened his gaze just to the left of Koala’s face so she couldn’t see how hard he was trying to keep his expression neutral. “I’m fine. The travel system kind of sucks.” He probably sounded too flat to be natural, but he couldn’t let anyone aboard the ship see him fall apart. He was their second in command – how were they going to trust him to lead them into an attack if he couldn’t control himself? “I’m going to my cabin to rest. You can send the nurse there if you want someone to check up on me.”

Pushing past his friends, knowing that their worried gazes were locked onto his back as he left, Sabo felt like every step was towards his own guillotine. When the comforting darkness of his cabin finally enveloped him, the sun’s heat no longer reminding him of Ace’s body pressed to his own, he let his shoulders fall and his head drop, scrunching his eyes closed to stop any tears from coming.

He could do this; he’d done it before, the first time round. He’d lived with the knowledge that one day Ace had been breathing and the next he’d been dead, and as long as he could force himself to think that those past travels had all been just a dream, he’d be fine.

That would work; he could do this.

_(You couldn’t save him.)_

* * *

It didn’t end up working.

No matter what he did, memories still haunted his dreams, and he always caught himself turning to share a joke with someone that wasn’t there – with someone that would never be there again. He pushed himself, working on paperwork until the lamp on his desk began to splutter as it ran down and exhaustion made the letters blur together, and got up as the sun rose to do it all again.

His sleep was riddled with dreams that made him wake with tear tracks on his cheeks and nightmares that made him only sleep fitfully, rousing at the slightest noise. He missed the warmth of a body next to him, the casual swing of Ace’s arm holding him down.

 He led missions with a crazed sort of intensity, placing himself at the forefront of every fight and never resting when he had a free moment – he went around the ship instead, checking up on the crew or the ship itself. His desk had never looked so clean, but even the most oblivious on their crew had started to notice that his eyes looked more like bruises, the bags under them deepening blue and purple from lack of sleep.

Koala cornered him in the halls one day, when he’d almost fallen over at the breakfast table, woozy and vision blackening as he’d stood to get more food. He’d tried to walk away, ignoring her, but she’d finally gotten too angry with his attitude and growled at him, hand wrapping around his bicep and jolting him to a stop.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” when he turned to glare at her in an attempt to get her to let go, she merely glowered back. “I don’t want to see you _die_ because you can’t see that you need to rest!” she shot at him viciously, and Sabo wrenched his arm out of her grip, unable to speak for a moment through his anger.

“You-” Sabo growled, “ _don’t_ get to say anything. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

“Oh so I’m supposed to stand back and watch you kill yourself? Koala demanded, “Because that’s what you’re doing! I’m not going to watch you _die_ just because of what happened while you were gone – and don’t you even dare try and deny it! You’ve only acted like this since you came back, and I’ve _never_ seen you…” her voice trailed off, and Sabo hated the sudden flicker in her eyes, the look she fastened on him, the crease of worry instead of anger that settled into her face. “Except after-,” she took a step forwards, and he took one back, and he knew she noticed when she flicked her eyes to his feet and then back again.  “Sabo-” she said, voice void of emotion, “where did you go?”

“Nowh-” he started to say, and saw her temper flare at his lie.

“What _time_ did you go to?” Koala demanded, and when he saw that she’d seen how effectively that question had stopped him in his tracks, he turned and fled, his name from her lips chasing after him like the echo of Ace’s last words to him.

_Come find me again._

* * *

 

He’d avoided Koala after that, escaping on the first mission he could justify going on, and now blood pounded in his ears, breath loud and uneven as he tried to get back to his feet. He’d underestimated the marines, something he hadn’t done since his first few missions. Sabo’s legs almost felt like they were going to collapse under him, shaking as he got back on his feet, and the Marine devil fruit user he was fighting lashed out with her tail; Sabo only just barely got his staff up in time to deflect it-

And then his staff snapped, cracking in half and sending Sabo reeling backwards.

 _It shouldn’t have broken!_ came his stunned thought as he stared in shock at the two halves of the staff now in his hands, _it was imbued with Haki-_

 _No._ He thought suddenly, eyes widening at the realisation that he’d stopped using Haki when his body had begun to tire, _it wasn’t._

The devil fruit user snapped out her scaly tail again, and his reactions so affected by lack of sleep and his thoughts Sabo didn’t even move when it crashed into his chest, the tip snapping around his back and sending him skidding, pebbles pressing into his back. He could feel his bones snap, his ribs giving way under that powerful onslaught, and a cry of agony slipped from his lips.

“Commander!” he heard someone shout in worry, but the pain was overcoming his senses and he could barely remember to try and breathe shallowly, let alone think about getting up.

“Grab him!” someone else shouted, “ _Retreat_!” Hands fastened around his arms and legs, hoisting him up, and the sudden surge of pain made Sabo’s vision black out.

He let it, welcoming the blessed emptiness of unconsciousness.

* * *

 

Sabo woke to darkness again; his eyes refused to adjust to the lack of light for a long moment, but eventually his senses returned to him. First came the sounds of quiet groans and the smell of antiseptic, and then the tiled ceiling he’d often looked at. _The infirmary_ , Sabo thought distractedly, mind still drifting from the first long rest he’d had in a while and the pain medication that currently occupied his empty stomach.   

Trying to take a deep breath, Sabo was reminded of his likely broken ribs when a sudden burst of pain made his vision flare; he felt his breath hitch, and the hand he hadn’t realised was gently combing through his hair stopped.

“Sabo?” that was Koala’s voice, quiet in the darkness, and he turned, seeing the silhouette of her shape.

He opened his mouth to try and speak and tell her that yes, it was him, but his mouth was to dry and he couldn’t do much more than croak out a pitiful, “water?”

Gentle hands carefully helped him sit up, and then a cup was obligingly pressed to his lips, cool liquid slipping down his dry throat. When he’d finally drunken enough, Koala had put him back on the pillows, obviously not trusting his co-ordination when he was affected by medication and sleep deprivation.

“I’ll go tell the nurses that you’ve woken up,” she said, voice still a whisper out of respect for the other people still sleeping.

“Wait-” Sabo said, voice still croaky even after having drunken water, and he fumbled for her flared sleeve, making her stop and gently grab onto his hand instead. “Please- stay?”

He saw her shoulders fall, and then she sat again, stroking her thumb over his hand. “I told you to _rest_ ,” she said, voice a sigh and he winced at how badly he’d messed up. “I _told_ you you were going to hurt yourself.”  

“Didn’t mean to,” he mumbled, and heard her give what sounded little like a growl.

“You slept for almost _three days._ ” She said angrily, stopping her calming stroking of his hand. “Three _days_!” her voice changed, softer now, and Sabo closed his eyes against it, even though he couldn’t see the pleading look she was giving him in the darkness. “Do you know how hard it was waiting for you to wake up?”

“M’sorry,” he whispered, and felt her thumb begin to move again.

“Sabo, you’re-” she sighed, losing the words. “You can’t do this to yourself. You _can’t._ You need to talk to someone. I know it hurts but- but I don’t-” he could hear the slight shake to her words before she breathed and gathered herself again, “No-one wants to see you hurt like this again. _I_ don’t want to see you hurt like this again.”

“…sorry,” he mumbled again, and heard her quiet, biting bark of a laugh, angry and hurt and a touch more desperate than he ever wanted to hear from her.

“ _Tell_ me,” she said, practically begging. “You don’t have to say everything. You don’t even have to say much about anything at all. But you can’t just keep acting like everything is normal when you and I both know it’s not.”

Tugging his hand from her grip, he pushed himself until he could sit and the blankets pooled around his hips. With space on the bed, Koala seemed to realise what he wanted and took up the empty place he left. Their knees brushed, until Koala moved her legs around so she could get closer to him.  

He opened his mouth to speak, to try and figure out what he was going to say to her, and Koala waited patiently, letting him sort out his thoughts. “He-” Sabo started off, fastening his gaze away from her before swallowing, unable to continue. “I just-” he tried again, and finally looked at her, feeling his face crumple. “I _miss_ him,” he said to Koala, like that’d ever be able to bring Ace back, and his breath shook as he tried to stop himself from crying.

Even tilting his head back did nothing to stop the tears that snuck from the corner of his eyes and tracked down his cheeks. His shoulders hitched, breath jumping, and finally he couldn’t stop himself; he leaned forwards and rested his forehead against her shoulder, chest shaking as he let himself cry.

Pain speared through him as he did so, fire racing along his body as his ribs were jolted with every hitching breath, and it only made him cry harder – he should have earned an injury at Marineford, like Luffy. Should’ve been there to join the rescue, should have had to carry around the visible marks of his failure – or his success – like he carried around the burn scars from the Grey Terminal.

He should’ve been beaten bloody and broken in his attempts to rescue Ace-

But he hadn’t been. He hadn’t been.

He’d let Ace _die._

He should have _been there!_

“I _miss him,_ ” he repeated, like that would ever fully encompass how much he wanted his brother back, how much guilt he felt, and Koala lay her palms flat against his back, like she needed to touch as much of him as she could to make sure he didn’t break.

“I know,” she whispered back, like she could hear all of his thoughts. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sabolus' prompt was "Sabo goes back in time to meet Ace."  
> And so of _course_ I'm gonna do this. I like AUs, yes, but I also like my angst~ vuv Sorry guys!  
>  Also, because like literally every time I upload a new story I mean to include this but I always forget, I really appreciate you guys who leave me reviews!! And while I love getting kudos & follow alerts in my inbox even just a simple "good job' makes my day, so I'd really appreciate anyone leaving concrit or reviews, if you guys wouldn't mind? vuv  
> Also the alternate ending that I may or may not write later is Ace being caught by the marines and Sabo pretending to BE a marine and manages to knock out one of the guys guarding Ace-  
> And then Mr knocks him out with a surprise attack because he was concentrating on surviving the marines in front of him.  
> fully canon compliant and with the added benefit of seeing Sabo get so close and yet stay so far (poor baby)

**Author's Note:**

> http://sabolus.tumblr.com/post/120986450334/my-half-of-a-fic-art-trade-with-the-adorable
> 
> _it's so perfect_


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